Cuckoo Clocks and Gateau

The Black Forest: place of myths and legends, and, oh, fairy tales.

Before we get going, though, we noted that after we went to bed last night, it felt like the ship was on the move. That’s strange, I thought, I didn’t think we were meant to be leaving Basel until tomorrow? It all became clear when we attended the day’s briefing from Gabor.

Apparently, it is against river bye-laws to set sail before 07:00 so late last evening the captain had to reposition Geoffrey Chaucer to a place outside the non-sailing limit. That was all it was, we simply moved about 300 metres down the river.

He also apologised to some of the passengers who had had their sleep interrupted, there had been complaints about the party boats coming to life. They kept some of the passengers awake. How dare they go about their usual business?

Must admit, I wasn’t aware of it. Falling to sleep on washing lines and all that sort of thing! Isn’t it peculiar what folk bitch about? It’s all very well complaining but, really, what could our captain have done? Maybe hail the party boats to come alongside and reprimand them for keeping our princes and princesses awake, much like placing a pea under their mattresses. Ah, there’s the first reference to a fairy tale, not a Brothers Grimm one. More later.

At least, after the previous two mornings, we could take our time shaking our legs, reveille wasn’t until much later. It was actually quite the thing to realise we were beginning to meander north towards our next port of call, where we were to alight for our coach tour to the Black Forest.

The only trouble was, the Rhine had become as snarled up as the M25 during rush hour, and we had to wait our turn at the locks. This delayed us getting in to Breisach, which meant we were straight onto the buses rather than afforded the time to explore the town first. Never mind.

One of the first snippets the guide informed us of was that the Romans were fearful of the forest. I interpreted this as they were terrified of some ancient gods and deities that might cast spells and gobble them up with no trace, you know, much like the infamous Ninth Legion in Northern England.

For those of you who can’t remember this, the legion set off one day from their garrison, Eboracum, York, to march on those pesky Caledonians who had been conducting guerilla warfare on the imperialist armies with, it has to be said, much success. Although they never realised it at the time, they were never to be seen again and their loss led to the division of our island forever.

It is widely thought that they found themselves isolated in fog and were, slowly but surely, picked off by the oafish Picts. Hadrian, whom some south of the border consider a visionary until this day, ordered a great wall be constructed to keep the marauding barbarians out. It is this time in history that we first established two separate nations within Britannia.

Could Hadrian ever have envisaged the problems he would create forevermore by building his damned wall?

Back to the forest, the loss of the Ninth had put the heebiejeebies up Roman occupying armies across the empire, and southern Germany was no different to anywhere else. It wasn’t so much the dense woodland they were frightened of, but the people who occupied it. They were wild, much like the Picts, and were forever fighting a guerilla war against the occupiers, many of whom were slaughtered by these tactics.

So, it wasn’t the forest, per se, that they were wary of, it was the Germanic tribes hiding within. This type of warfare has always been repeated down the ages, successfully by some and not so much by others.

Remember, this is a gastronomy cruise, where each and every excursion included something to get our teeth into. This time it was a cake, still popular in this region, from where it took its name, but, just maybe, it is not quite so in vogue at home as it was in the seventies and eighties.

I am sure that, for those of you who are of a certain age, you won’t have forgotten the typical meal out of the time, not served in a basket at any rate, three course: prawn cocktail, mixed grill and, finally but never least, Black Forest gateau. Ah, the good old days, I would still go for that now with the exception of, probably, the mixed grill. Meat doesn’t hold the same allure to me as it once did.

And so, here we were, visiting the Eble Clock Park in Triberg, home to the largest cuckoo clock in the world. First of all, though, we headed for the restaurant, where we were given a tremendous demonstration on how to make the world famous cake. It was fascinating to learn that the recipe has been passed down the generations.

The lady showing us how to make the dish was dressed in traditional Black Forest garb. It was important, in years gone by, to identify married women from their unmarried compatriots, after all, it wasn’t seemly for a man hitting on a married woman.

Nothing was mentioned about a married man making a move on a single woman but, I guess, that’s been the case in just about every society throughout history; men can do what they wish for females have always been chattels. How do you tell the difference? Easy, a married woman displays black pompoms in her headgear whilst the single woman has red ones. Red was also the sign of virginity. Of course it was, we all believe that, don’t we?

The demonstrator intimated that it was sad in societies of yesteryear if a grey haired woman was still wearing red pompoms. Really?

When we have been to food making displays before and it comes to trying the dish, you are usually served up with such a piddly bit you can hardly see it, certainly not enough to taste! This was different, the slab of gateau that appeared on our plates was generous, so much so, I didn’t think we would need to eat for the rest of the day. Of course, as usual, I underestimated that one, another Black Forest myth!

One of the main ingredients of the cake is the alcohol, in this case the local cherry brandy, so it was time for a tasting. I have tried many times during my life to try spirits such as whisky, I hope my Scottish friends recognise my tribute to the Alban version, and brandy, among others, and I have to say, I cannot handle them, and this was no exception.

For some reason I can’t explain the taste, they seem to taste of nothing palatable, and as for the after-effect, well, that’s another thing altogether, that burning sensation, as it passes through the throat and the oesophagus before arriving at the stomach, feels like it is ripping the lining out as it goes. No wonder Native Americans called it firewater.

I don’t mind them when included in food or, maybe, a cocktail, they sometimes enhance the experience, but neat, that’s another thing altogether; I don’t get it. Not for me! I really would like to learn to appreciate them as it makes one sound quite sophisticated banging on about them. Ah well, it’s too late now, I shall have to wait until I pass this way again! Tips on how to tipple would be appreciated.

As the name of the park suggests, this place is mainly about cuckoo clocks. I had no idea they were so popular, I always thought they were something old ladies kept in their parlours to show gullible grandchildren. How wrong I was.

In fact, it is here that you will find the largest cuckoo clock in the world. It is 15.5 metres tall, boasts an 8 metre long pendulum, and the movement weighs in at 6 tonnes. Wow, they are impressive scales!

You don’t have to wait long before the cuckoo makes an appearance, every quarter of an hour, although, I suppose, the chime that greets you at one of the clock is disappointing, just the same as every other fifteen minutes, we were lucky enough to be there at four in the afternoon: cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.

By the way, the clock did not originate in Switzerland as many think, but in the Black Forest, hence the museum. Why a cuckoo? It is thought that its developer, Franz Ketterer, picked the idea up from Strasbourg Cathedral, where they employed a rooster, real or mechanical I am not sure, to mark the hours.

Through an elaborate bellows system he managed to create a cuckoo like sound and the rest, as they say, is history. Well, who knew? Don’t say you never learn anything from these pages. I have to say, though, it really is quite the thing every hour, but whether it might become a tad grating if you live next to it for years, I don’t know.

Just before we return to the ship, a word about the wildlife in the region. The forest is home to wolves, bears, wild-boar and nudists. Yep, you heard right, nudists.

Although there is only one official naturist resort here there are, almost uncountable, areas where clothing is optional, it is a way of life. Can you imagine every village in the UK adopting such a policy? Where? Pub gardens, maybe?

Wolves and bears were nearly extinct but have been widely reintroduced, although it appears that bears have returned here under their own steam. When on the tour I chatted to our guide, Samuel, who informed us that it is becoming overrun with boar.

When I asked why they aren’t hunted for meat he informed me that they were too radioactive for human consumption. Since the nuclear disaster at Chernobyl the soil in southern Germany became contaminated. Recent testing has revealed most wild animals in the region are now free of radioactive caesium but not the boar.

Why not? Well, upon further investigation it was established that this poisoning went back much further than the Ukrainian nuclear plant’s explosion in 1986, but to Soviet nuclear weapons’ testing in the 1960s.

It is now realised that the truffles, upon which the boar feed, are buried much deeper and it takes longer for the caesium to contaminate, meaning the surface lying food is now not radioactive, therefore, it will take much longer for them to see the side effects of Chernobyl eliminated. They will be inedible for years, if not decades, to come.

I have no idea how a search for “Black Forest Wildlife” unearthed German naturist camps, but it did. The future is AI! I wonder if AI believes images of hairy humans are, in actual fact, wild animals?

Before we boarded our bus for the excursion, I was in a quartet discussing Bill and Jake, the Grimm bros. I forget who the other two were but one was my wife. I am not, I am sorry to say, that familiar with the work of the Brothers Grimm.

“What did they write?” I asked, quite reasonably I thought, but I sensed eye-rolling going on. “I assume Little Red Riding Hood and that story about the bird with the long hair were included?”

“Rapunzel,” they replied in unison.

“That’s her. Well?”

It was like a starter for ten on University Challenge. An exchange of glances, a nod and a wink. “No. We don’t think so. They were both somebody else.”

“Okay,” I said. What did I know anyway?

As it turns out, Wilhelm and Jacob didn’t actually write anything, they collected tales from all over Germany and published an anthology of folk tales. There are over 200 listed on the internet, including these ones I recognised: Cinderella, The Golden Goose, Hansel and Gretel, Puss in Boots, Rumpelstiltskin, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Tom Thumb.

And guess what, clever-clogs, the two I said might be included? Well, they were. I think a triumphant smile as wide as the River Rhine is called for here, don’t you?

Just about everyone on board was linking the Grimms with the Black Forest, including me, but there is no evidence of them ever setting foot in the region, although four of their collected stories are set within the forest itself: Hansel and Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White.

I think most of us would agree that many of their collected stories reflect their name, especially when pronounced in English, as they can be a little bit on the grisly side.

Take The Robber Bridegroom for example, it contains scenes of cannibalism and mutilation. Well, not sure how that can be construed as a children’s fairy tale? In fact, not all of them are, they are a collection of fairy, and folk, tales, the latter suggesting a more adult targeted content.

Having read some of the synopses I am convinced that many scenes are much more gruesome than anything found in my own “Wish Dead List.” Maybe I need to up my game next time!

Find Out More
Black Forest: www.blackforest-highlight.com

White Cane Ratings
Cuckoo Clock Park: very good; easy to navigate - * * * * (4)
Black Forest Gateau: excellent; nothing to do with access - * * * * * (5)