Greetings from the Cunard Queen Victoria. As I write, we're on the last week of our trip around the Caribbean and are on our way back to the Port of Southampton.

If you were with me last time, you will know that, apparently, we were being tracked by an alien spacecraft, which was due to make contact with us on 30th January. I am assuming that this event never took place.

The only good thing to come out of this is that we all appear to have been spared. Unfortunately, though, I thought there might have been an element of truth in this crackpot conspiracy theory and now have a huge bar bill to settle before leaving the ship. Never mind, onwards and upwards!

On the other hand, at the time of writing, we have one more obstacle to overcome, there is a massive storm laying across our path as we head to the Azores, our docking in Ponta Delgada has already been cancelled two days out, and it seems like our journey back to Southampton is going to be blighted by filthy weather. Might as well head to the bar again!

Thailand's Highest Mountain

We will begin this week by completing our excursion from the Tamarind Village Hotel in Chiang Mai. This will be our last venture through the journals of our 2025 trip.

In this episode we start with a visit to Thailand’s highest mountain, Doi Inthanon. I don’t know why, but merely by writing the word, “Doi,” reminds me of a tale of a Frenchman and a taxi, as retold by our two guides.

Stay with this to the end to find out what happened to one unfortunate Gallic cousin. Try not to laugh too much, whilst it is very unlikely to be you, it may well be a loved one very close to you. Much to my shame, it caused me to laugh out loud, continuously, for about a week. Sometimes, I feel grateful that there is a body of water between us and them. We don’t need that sort of thing rubbing off on us.

Just before we get going, though, I am again writing this from our Stateroom on the good ship, Cunard Queen Victoria. Earlier on, whilst we were steaming across the Atlantic Ocean on our way to the Caribbean island of Barbados, we overtook a lone rower, Daragh McLoughlin. Well, he completed his race in first place in his class, and we have just been treated to a one-to-one conversation with our captain, Jonathan Ward. I think it is safe to say, it held the entire audience spellbound.

Both contributors hail from the Emerald Isle, so it was like listening in on a beautiful Irish love-in, one could almost taste the Guinness. During the next few weeks, can’t say when, I am going to research more about Daragh’s stupendous achievement and share it with you. It would be nice if I can get some of his thoughts as well. He completed this incredible feat on behalf of two deserving charities, one close to my own heart and need, Irish Dogs for the Disabled. I will get some links so that you can contribute to either of his two worthy causes.

There was a coolness as we mounted the boardwalk that would take us to the summit of Doi Inthanon. It was a first-class path, no boards missing as there often are in other countries, and it was a pleasant stroll through the leafy uplands to the summit.

As with all wooded glades, at least as far as I am concerned, you could feel the stresses of the day lifting from your shoulders as we strolled along the path, the air being particularly clean and refreshing. It put me in mind of our Friday getaways, years ago now, to the Norfolk coast when we took our dear old dog, now passed for eight years, and witnessing the intoxicating joy that the freedom brought her. Woods always remind me of this, even now.

On leaving the Inthanon National Park, we stopped in on a roadside fresh produce market, which appeared as if it had just sprung from the ground in the middle of nowhere. Stunning is not a good enough word to describe it. There were fruits of all types, from the very familiar strawberries, incidentally, must be about the tastiest in the world, bananas and melons through to the more exotic guava, pawpaw and mango.

I know in these modern times, it is possible to obtain all of these from our supermarkets but, take my word as an authority on this, none will taste as good as if they had been plucked from a tree or bush within about a five-mile radius.

As well as fruits there was an abundant selection of vegetables, only recently plucked from the soil, herbs and spices. What is more, there didn’t seem to be a chimney pot in sight, yet the place was packed with customers choosing and purchasing the food that formed the base of their incredibly healthy diet. Save the idling cars, this is my image of heaven.

Angkhang

From there we visited the campus of the Royal Agricultural Station at Angkhang, home to the Royal Project. This is probably one of the more important centres of learning in the region. Even in this mechanised era, especially in the west, human labour is still valued for the contribution it makes to the overall Thai economy. This hands-on site, located 1,400 metres above sea level, allows students to get used to the growing and nurturing of many and varied plants.

How did this come about? Well, back in 1969 King Bhumibol Adulyadej was flying by helicopter over the neighbouring mountain when he espied opium fields below. He set down and paid the Muser tribesmen a surprise visit. From that moment he determined that he would do his best to find a new way forward for his people, and the Project was born. The lucrative opium fields were transformed into a more meaningful and sustainable way of making a living.

To this day it offers opportunities for local students of the soil to attend courses here and learn their craft. In what appears to be the most fertile of land, some of the best examples of fruits, vegetables, flowers and spices can be easily grown.

It is from here that the students, once qualified, embark on rewarding careers in farming. Fruits include peaches, kiwis and strawberries, vegetables include carrots, lettuce and potatoes, flowers include asters, carnations and roses, and herbs and spices too numerous to mention. This has now grown into one of the primary botanic research centres in the kingdom, and it is from here that the developments are transferred to the hectares and hectares of fields in the region.

According to our guides it is one of the most successful projects in the country and, more importantly, has enabled an entire area to overcome its growing opium habit. I consider this to be quite remarkable, a prime example of how a caring monarch, no matter how far-fetched his ideas might be, can sew these threads into the patterns of everyday life.

Coffee Harvesting

Our last visit during this excursion was a small green valley where homestays appeared to be the backbone of the prospects for the landowners.

This one establishment had set up some of its old labourers’ shacks as holiday homes, and pretty idyllic they looked too, but the main attraction at this bucolic paradise was the cottage industry of coffee.

Coffee is grown, harvested, roasted, ground and packaged on the same property. The aroma that fills the air is far more alluring, to me at any rate, than the most beautiful woman in the world wafting past with the most expensive scent ever created. I think that coffee is my only addiction, except, maybe, for running.

Alcohol and smoking were dumped in the addiction bins a long time ago. I still enjoy a drink but only on high days and holidays. I haven’t smoked in 25 or 30 years and have never had the desire to restart, although I was never prolific in this disgusting habit. Have never gambled, except on the lottery when it first came out, and nor have I taken recreational drugs. Oh, I’d forgotten, I do have a penchant for bananas. I don’t think that’s too bad, do you?

We were first treated to a splendid Thai meal prepared by the owner. It is an interesting concept sitting among the live ingredients. Chickens were free ranging around our feet as we chewed on a dish of Thai green chicken curry, cows were peering over the fence at us as we munched on sweet chilli beef. It gave the impression that farm to fork wasn’t really any distance whatsoever. It was, though, to some more sensitive western palates a little bit disconcerting.

I must have a callous streak running through me as I didn’t give it any thought until we discussed it with other guests in our hotel upon our return. One wondered how I might feel if I witnessed animals cooking and eating humans in front of my eyes. A, that is a preposterous notion as it won’t happen, at least not the cooking bit and, B, I might even delight in the idea, if I can choose the humans for the pot! Perhaps conspiracy theorists would prove a tasty option.

Then it was over to witness the coffee production. This simply filled the senses, or my remaining ones at least. The smell was outstanding, although I did note that the roasting process did create an awful lot of smoke; the feeling of the heat from the open oven; the sound of the firewood crackling in the grate; and the taste of the finished article.

It was a fabulous experience as I have never witnessed coffee production anywhere before, whether like here or in a massive factory. I was right to be concerned about the sweet aroma of woodsmoke. When we placed our purchased grounds in our own coffee machine back in Norfolk, the woody scent almost disguised the true attraction of the percolating coffee. I don’t think I am exaggerating when I say that smoked coffee is an acquired taste. As much as I enjoyed the experience, I am not so sure I will be rushing back for a second packet. I am most content with my Taylors of Harrogate Italian Blend. Keep it in the family!

And finally...

No, I haven’t forgotten. Now, let me introduce you to Jacques, one presumes it is not his real name. If satellite navigation had been invented for anyone, it is our most unfortunate pal from across the English Channel.

I think we can say that this laughable incident goes right back in time to the playing fields of Eton. The Duke of Wellington always maintained that the Battle of Waterloo was won on these particular swards of green. What is he blathering on about this time? It is thanks to this particular battle that English became more widely spoken than French.

Now, despite our best efforts, neither Jacques nor his driver could communicate awfully well in English. “I would like to go to Koh Tao,” said Jacques in his broad French accent.

The driver nodded sagely, appearing to understand the instruction. Trouble is, he heard and interpreted it in his own broad Thai accent.

As it transpired the accents made a right old pickle of common understanding. The taxi made the journey and, on arrival at the destination, dropped dear old Jacques off. I think it is pretty safe to say that he was a cabbage or two short of a full load.

To get to Koh Tao, koh is Thai for island, you would have thought that he might just have noticed that they hadn’t crossed the sea, quite an important element when travelling to an island, you would have thought. To be fair to the driver he had delivered his customer to the exact place his fare had requested, Doi Tao, in Northern Thailand, not far from where we were during this episode. The driver took his cash for a job well done and went off on his merry way. Jacques took a look around and the penny dropped, he couldn’t smell salt and there did not appear to be a beach full of bikini clad women waiting to greet him.

Then, along came a cabbage delivery truck, smelling nothing like a tropical island, which picked him up, and deposited him at a police station. In Thai broken English and even more French broken English, they worked out that the word Koh for island and Doi for mountain sound very similar. Easy mistake, don’t you think.

Doesn’t it make you think the story is as mad as a box of frogs? He travelled 600km the wrong way, and ended up 1,200km from his intended destination. As I say, in the interests of Anglo-French relations moving forward, I couldn’t stop laughing.

One coincidence, the story first appeared in the Pattaya News exactly one year ago today, 14th February 2025, only a matter of days before we were driving the same roads.

Find Out More
Tamarind Village Hotel: https://www.tamarindvillage.com
Kanta Elephant Sanctuary: https://www.kantaelephantsanctuary.com
Wachirathan Waterfall: https://www.tourismthailand.org
Royal Twin Pagodas: https://www.tourismthailand.org
Royal Agricultural Station: https://www.royalproject.org

White Cane Ratings
Tamarind Village: average, access around pool quite tight with random steps - 🦯 🦯 (2)
Kanta Elephant Sanctuary: did not visit so cannot offer white cane ratings for this site
Wachirathan Waterfall: poor, cannot visit without assistance - 🦯 (1)
Royal Twin Pagodas: very good, accessible - 🦯 🦯 🦯 🦯 (4)
Royal Agricultural Station: good, some unmarked steps - 🦯 🦯 🦯 (3)