It was early on Boxing Day in 1980, when American security guards, on duty at the East Gates of the nearby RAF Woodbridge, spotted an alien spaceship in the forest. I know UFO fanatics will argue, until they are blue, or green, in the face, that the Rendlesham Forest Incident was real enough and, therefore, is incontrovertible evidence that occupants of an interplanetary craft visited that night.

Really? Personally, I don’t think so. I think it more likely that the lights seen were the shining, demonic eyes of Black Shuck, as he crept around the forest in search of souls to steal away into the night.

Let’s examine the facts as provided by the station’s commanding officer, a lieutenant colonel by the name of Charles Halt. After being informed of the mysterious lights in the sky from the east he went to take a look.

He was immediately able to verify the sightings of his guards at the gates. Repeated light flashes could be seen in the forest, appearing every five seconds.

Local police, who were called out, I assume at British taxpayers’ expense, observed that the lights were coming from the same direction as the Orfordness lighthouse, only around five miles away and one of the brightest of its type in the UK at the time. And get this, its flash repeated every five seconds. Incontrovertible?

Then there were the other lights seen in the sky, one particularly bright one to the south. There was no doubt about it, in the minds of the USAF personnel, that this light emanated from another galaxy.

Guess what, they were right, it actually came from the brightest star in the night sky, Sirius, commonly known as the Dog Star. I don’t believe that it had visited Suffolk that night; it is 8.6 light years away, to be fair, relatively close in universe terms. Incontrovertible?

When they, after the breaking of dawn, went to examine the site where the guards claimed the craft had landed, the evidence they needed was discovered immediately, in the form of indents in the ground.

Those dastardly British police were called again and, what is more, they actually turned up. I wonder how many break-ins were reported that night and not investigated. Different times, me thinks.

A thorough examination of the landing site was carried out. Much chin stroking and head scratching later, it was concluded that the marks in the ground were, wait for it, rabbit holes. I think it safe to say that the dutiful bobbies felt that they had wandered down some of them. Incontrovertible?

“I know,” thought Lt Colonel Halt, “I will prove this once and for all.” Halt by name and not by nature, he certainly didn’t stop to think. He returned to the alleged rabbit holes with a Geiger counter, or whatever they use to measure radioactivity.

What is more, he got positive readings. Celebrations were cut short, champagne was left on ice, when it was realised that these were no more than usual background levels. He must have felt like a right old Charlie! Incontrovertible?

I accept that I am no scientist, but I believe that I am only pouring more cold water on the flames of this galactic excitement. In fact, I think they are well and truly out by now.
Before leaving this subject, however, I would like to throw another couple of damp squibs into the room.

Firstly, my first job out of college was for a major national construction company, based at its Ipswich regional office, and at the time we had some quite major projects on the go at both RAF Woodbridge and the neighbouring RAF Bentwaters, neither of which are there any longer as a result of the Cold War peace dividend.

I can’t remember exactly what we were doing, probably building nuclear fallout shelters, or something like that, for the great and good of society. Honestly, I don’t remember, so any contravention of the Official Secrets Act is purely coincidental.
What about the building site’s constant floodlighting? Your counter argument to this would be, what, during the Christmas shutdown? You may have a point, just saying, that’s all!

This Rendlesham incident is often referred to as Britain’s Roswell. Are there any similarities? They both begin with R, not the most conclusive of reasons either way.
Both incidents involved US military personnel which, I think, speaks for itself. Now, you note the absence of any civilian witnesses to both incidents, except for the rancher who found the crashed weather balloon on his farm near Roswell, and the puzzled bobbies who attended the scene in the UK.

I do wonder if go pills played a part? These are performance-enhancing wakefulness drugs given to the US military in general, usually special ops and pilots on long missions in particular. The most common is modafinil.

Side effects are many and varied. If you read through the whole list, you will come across hallucinations. It is beginning to sound a little less incontrovertible now, isn’t it.
It is time for the clincher. Can I remind you that American military bases are renowned for their O and NCO clubs, for officers and non-commissioned officers respectively, along with bars for the general enlisted men and women.

Let’s face it, Christmas in lonely outposts such as Suffolk in England, everything in the immediate area is closed, what more is there to do? I have checked the roll at every base involved in alien sightings and have discovered Lieutenant Jack Daniels to be an ever present. That’s it, nothing more needs to be said.

There is no doubt about it, every parkrun is unique. Rendlesham Forest is no different. As well as being one of the most attractive courses yet attended by Team Taylor, it also boasts a mascot.

Not shy in jumping on the back of the UFO stuff, they have adopted Ziggy the Alien as a roving ambassador.

Now, as far as I can recall, there are three different types of Ziggy. First of all, and I presume the original, is a statue of this parkrun legend observing proceedings from near the end of the lap. You need to pass it, not sure if there is a gender involved or not, twice before entering the finish funnel.

Second, and most cute of all, are the little replicas that have been made of him which can now, and often do, travel all over the world. I believe that on the day we were at Rendlesham, there were Ziggys taking part in five different events across the globe.

Then there was the inflatable one, which means blowing Ziggy up and wearing it like a second skin. I posed for a picture with the last one. I shan’t mention the chap’s name; he might have children one day and I am really not sure how you tell them you used to dress up as an alien for fun!

I believe I may have seen my own father and mother in a different light had they shown me images of them dressed as Mork and Mindy in early adulthood.

I had only ever heard of two Ziggys before this. Number one, of course, was David Bowie’s glam-rock alter ego, Ziggy Stardust. The other is Ziggy Marley.

The former was based on a bass guitarist, who worked with Bowie, and had a mental breakdown, and thought he was somewhere between an alien and a God. The latter, whose real name was David, liked the former so much that he adopted the nickname.
That is what David claims, but sources close to his father, the late, great Bob, say it was as a result of the type of spliff smoked by Mr Marley Senior. I rather like the hey man, dope story best.

Until writing this tale I had always understood that Ziggy was Mr Marley Junior’s given name. I mean, some of the stuff they smoked, it was not beyond the realms of possibility.

Apparently, and unbeknown to me, there is a third. Ziggy the Alien is supposed to be a character adopted to teach Scottish children how to behave on roads. I have no idea how that one works.

I realise that this is probably me, but it seems like Bob Marley’s substances might have had a part to play in all three creations.

What about the day itself? It didn’t start well when it came to paying for our parking ticket. The signboard claimed that you could pay for your space using one of those infernal apps.

Good luck with that one, there was about as much signal as on the far side of the moon. There was, however, another way, quite the concept really, you could pay at the machine.

It was a parkrun day, so queues were a tad on the lengthy side. In the end, we got to the machine, Jane tapped in our registration number, selected the requisite time, and then, for some bizarre reason, it only allowed us 36 minutes.

Down £3.15, the fee for an hour, we thought we would pay for the same all over again. We repeated our actions, same result, another 36 minutes for the price of an hour.
What is more, they don’t even let you have a ticket so that you can check. Just remember, the future is AI.

Ah well, to date, we have not received any enforcement notices. I suspect there will be two as we overstayed our welcome on two concurrent visits. Clever one, that one.
We were already down by £2.80 on the deal as two hours could be bought for £3.50. Do you think common sense might make an appearance for a change?

Onto the course itself. I think delightful sums it up. It was a glorious day to parkwalk this most attractive coniferous woodland.

A mixture of trails and paths leading through wooded glades was reminiscent of the North Norfolk coast. The scent of pine in the air was captivating in its own way.
There really is something to be said about a visit to the woods to lift the weight of the world from one’s shoulders.

At one point we found ourselves walking along old sections of concrete track, probably an old perimeter utility road serving the now redundant airbase.

My wife, unfortunately, was carrying a hamstring injury which is why we were strolling. I hadn’t requested a VI Guide as I was taking part in a big run the day after, didn’t want to peak too soon.

Overall, I have to say, it was quite a wonderful experience, save for the car parking machine, and we will, most definitely, be returning there one day. Next time I may well be complete with a guide.

I swear that when the gentleman giving the first timers’ briefing, when thanking the volunteers, applauded the Martians and not the marshals. Might have been my parapraxis clicking in again.

What on earth is he on about? Parapraxis is more commonly known as a Freudian slip. This is named for the Austrian psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud.

Easy mistake to make as Sigmunds often have their names shortened to Ziggy. It all comes together in the end, see.

One thing I really did like is that you can follow the ventures of Ziggy the Alien on their social media feeds. Great fun seeing where he is visiting.

Find Out More
Rendlesham Forest parkrun: https://www.parkrun.org.uk/rendleshamforest
Parkrun: https://www.parkrun.org.uk
Rendlesham Forest: https://www.forestryengland.uk/rendleshamforest

White Cane Ratings* ©
Car Park: average; not free, dodgy machine - 🦯 🦯 (2)
Welcome and Briefing: very good - 🦯 🦯 🦯 🦯 (4)
Atmosphere: very good - 🦯 🦯 🦯 🦯 (4)
Course: good; mixed terrain – 🦯 🦯 🦯 (3)
Marshalling: very good; enthusiastic - 🦯 🦯 🦯 🦯 (4)
*These ratings are how the event suits this particular blind person and are my opinion only; they are not scientific. Whatever happens no-one must be put off by me. The best way to learn about something is try it for yourself.

Kettleburgh Chequers

It was no accident that we ended up in East Suffolk on this May Saturday. We thought to see if we could shoot three pheasants with the same cartridge.

Number one, as detailed above. Number two, was to watch the presentation of the end of season awards at one of our grand-daughter’s football teams, that’s soccer in the USA. And number three, was to visit the venue for our son’s October wedding to the ever-patient Abigail, he only proposed eleven years ago. No hurry.

And so it was, that we found ourselves in the tiny village of Kettleburgh to visit the Chequers Inn.

I love the origin of a village name and, to be honest, this one surprised me. I fully expected it to be named for a local landowner, probably going back to Saxon times or, more than likely in these parts, Danish times as we were well and truly inside Danelaw territory.

In olden days, maybe a version of Kettle such as Ketel or Cetel. Burgh is an old word meaning fortification, so I expected to find a lord or a jarl had built the settlement as a safe refuge from constant raids.

None of that, it transpires, thanks to Kettleburgh Parish Council, that the Kettle part is literally that, meaning kettle or cauldron. The burgh, in this instance, is meant to mean a burial mound. So, it is nothing more than the place where someone buried a kettle. Love it.

There is not a great deal to be found in this tranquil little village perched on the banks of the River Deben, population of 258, the last time anyone bothered to count, occupying around 100 dwellings.

It boasts a church, a pub and a village hall, a couple of outdoor areas, the village green and the pound, and there you have it. Truly magnificent.

If I was looking for somewhere idyllic to live, which I’m not, very happy where I am, I don’t think I would end up disappointed if I chose Kettleburgh.

What about the pub. Chequers is a well used name for inns and pubs up and down the country, but where does it come from? I did not know this until now.

It seems like it has two origins. One, in the days before most could read, and going back to Roman times, a chequerboard sign would be exhibited outside a pub showing it was a place where money could be exchanged or other financial transactions executed.

The place didn’t have to be called the Chequers to be licensed for this business, it could be called the White Horse, Red Lion or whatever.

Two, it was named for an old tree commonly found in England, the Serbis, whose bark showed a chequerboard pattern. The former can still be seen in use in financial transactions today, although very nearly consigned to the dustbin of history, in the form of cheques.

What about this particular inn. An excellent spot with a wide range of facilities. It sits a few feet above the Deben, which can be accessed through the picturesque garden.

It has a nice feel to the inside and whilst this was a spring day I could imagine a cosiness enveloping you in winter.

There has been an inn or pub here for donkey’s years, but the current owners purchased the property in 2021 and gave it a well needed and appreciated makeover.

The bar and restaurant opened its doors the following year. The business then set about furbishing its six luxury guest rooms which came into operation in 2023.

They have now purchased a used static caravan which is undergoing its own revamp to be available to visitors later this year.

In addition, and it doesn’t do it for me, many will disagree, there is a shepherd’s hut. We stayed in one once, a luxury one at that, but in my mind, someone had forgotten to add the luxury.

Jane went off and checked the accommodation. She was most impressed, the rooms being the match, or better, of many all over the world.

The static might be of interest if it were positioned in a secluded woodland glade, excellent for a family, but not for us.

We are now booked in for a couple of nights around the time of the wedding. Weddings don’t usually float my boat, even though ours has lasted for nearly 39 years, imagine the upheaval of doing it all over again, it doesn’t bear thinking about.

I am, however, definitely looking forward to this one. The entire day will be simple, church in nearby Framlingham with the wedding breakfast at the amazing Kettleburgh Chequers. What’s not to like?

Find Out More
Chequers Inn: https://www.chequerskb.co.uk
Kettleburgh: https://www.kettleburgh-pc.gov.uk

White Cane Ratings ©*
I will refrain from rating this place until after we have stayed there.